Into The MadHouse
by Lala to the power of 2
Summary: Nothing in this world could have prepared him to meet the Kurosaki family. Really, all he had wanted was to get his girlfriend's approval... Yuzu, Isshin, Karin, Ichigo, Ishida minor IchiIshi for plot purposes


AN: Um, I wasn't actually planning this, I swear. I'm actually working on a different fic right now- this one just sorta poured out of me all at once and completely out of nowhere. Enjoy?

It was kind of cute, actually- the way Yuzu-chan insisted on introducing him to her entire family before she'd go on a second date. Really, he didn't know why a fifteen-year old girl would need her parents' approval to go out with a boy, especially after only having been out together once. He guessed she must have a very traditional family, and geared himself for an uncomfortable, but essentially boring evening of false niceties and masked inquisition.

He was faced with more than a little surprise at her father's... enthusiasm. Instead the obligatory "What are your intentions with my daughter" speech, Kurosaki-san had deemed the best way to gage the worthiness of his daughters' boyfriends by essentially kicking the crap out of him in the guise of fatherly affection. When he wasn't scared off, he was officially declared suitable for casual dating and high-school romance. From this kind of evaluation, the question of what the man would do to someone interested in a more serious relationship with his offspring was a frightening one.

Her sister had been a bit more straightforward. Fortunately, he had already met Karin-san before, so all he had to deal with was the threat that "for anything you do to hurt her, I'll pay you back in broken bones," and was after that let off with the warning that she would be watching him.

Now all that was left was her older brother, who he was to meet this weekend when he came home from college to do his laundry. From her description of him, he couldn't bring himself to be afraid of Ichigo-san: particularly after being told he would also be bringing home his _boyfriend_ for the visit. Yuzu-chan's talk of him has been mostly of what a sweet older brother she had, and while she had also given him a warning about his poor attitude, he wasn't expecting much trouble from the 'doting big gay brother' type.

Okay, he probably should have seen this coming. After all, her father kicked him in the face before he'd even gotten his name out, and her sister had promised bodily injuries for any mistakes at all. So he shouldn't have been surprised when, as soon as the word 'boyfriend' slipped out of her mouth, Yuzu-chan's brother had directed a scowl so fierce he feared for his life at him and declared that "Your new _friend _and I have a little talk," and had immediately dragged him to the empty living room across the hall.

On the other hand, being picked up by his shirt collar, lifted up two feet higher than he was tall and slammed into the nearest wall as soon as Yuzu-chan was out of sight was an experience he felt entitled to be scared by.

"Alright you little bastard, I don't know what you want from her, and I don't really give a damn, either. And that's because I'm not gonna wait around until _afterwards _to find out. You don't even have to screw up for me to hunt you down and kill you- all I need is indication that you _might_. If you so much as _look_ at her the wrong way I **will** break your neck. Got it?"

He nodded, and was let down.

As they went back to rejoin Yuzu-chan, she was found with a man whom he couldn't decide whether or not to be intimidated by, and realized it was probably the boyfriend of Ichigo-san he had been told about. When introduced, he was given what seemed to be an appraising look, before Ishida-san smirked a little and pushed his glasses up his nose, then turning away in a manner that sent the message "_you aren't even worth acknowledging, much less my attention," _in a silent but clear brush-off.

Despite being certain he was through the worst of it, he suddenly dreaded the prospect of spending the rest of the evening like this.

Dinner was as unpleasant as he'd come to expect (he was beginning to get a feel for how the Kurosaki house ran), and he tried to see if he lower the intensity of the glares he was getting from both of Yuzu-chan's siblings through conversation. Or, at least, to get Kurosaki-san (he could find it in himself to call the old man 'Papa,' like he had been commanded) to shut up. That would help, too.

When he asked how Karin-san was doing in school, Ichigo-san had driven his fork through the table (when questioned, his reply was "There was a fly," and for some reason no one questioned the response). And when he directed a similar inquiry to Ichigo-san himself, he delivered his answer with a strange look on his face that almost seemed like he was aiming either to read his thoughts or burn a hole through his head.

"Haven't decided. I'm still taking my generals, for now."

"I'm hurt, son! I thought you were going to follow in your father's footsteps and take over the clinic! Do you want to let down the family name, boy?"

At this Ishida-san smirked again and spoke for the first time since he'd arrived. "Oh? But Kurosaki has a face that frightens small children, I think that no one would seek treatment here if **he** were the one parents were supposed to trust their children with."

Ichigo-san's intensified scowl was ignored.

"Ah, you're right. Perhaps my legacy would be better left with Yuzu- she doesn't frown all the time like you two!"

He then made the mistake of commenting that with a cute doctor in charge, people would be faking sick to come here. There was a short period of intense glaring and growing panic, before Ishida-san smirked again (did he only have those two facial expressions?) "Good Lord, Kurosaki, what did you say to that poor child? He looks like he's going to jump out the window."

Ichigo-san's attention was finally drawn from him at that, and he gave an ominous answer of "I only told him the truth" that left a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Kurosaki-san, who was either far more observant than he let on or exactly as stupid as he appeared then thankfully broke (or at least distracted) the tension. "So, then what are you going to major in, Ishida?"

"Fashion Design, with a minor in Biochemical Toxicology & Neuropharmacology."

"Ah, fashion and drugs! What an interesting career path you've chosen! At least someone will go into medicine this way, I suppose."

When asked what they had to do with each other, Ishida-san looked as though that was the stupidest question he'd ever heard and smoothly redirected the conversation.

The evening continued like that, with him staying as inconspicuous as he could manage as Ishida-san and Ichigo-san seemed to make comments with the sole purpose of pissing each other off, and Karin-san made comments intending to piss _both_ of them off, and Kurosaki-san interjected with the intention to annoy _everyone_ as much as possible.

As the night ended, it occurred to him that this was the most bizarre outcome of the "Meet The Family" situation he could even _think_ of. No mother, a father that acted more like a child than most elementary school students, a sister who acted like a boy, a brother that goes over the top on the "over-protectiveness" scale, and Ishida-san, whose only two states of being seemed to be apathy and snarkyness.

What Ishida-san was even doing there was an anomaly in itself- if he hadn't been told that he and Ichigo-san were involved, he never would have guessed as much. Barring the stereotype of how someone gay was supposed to act, the two still behaved less like a couple than even his parents did when exchanging custody of him and his brother on weekends.

It was then it him- the whole lot were crazy. The father was clearly out of his mind, that was clear enough. The sister went nuts babysitting him and turned into a bizarre she-male from taking her father's role in the family. The brother- dear lord, he didn't know where to start on _that_ one, but the violent tendencies were probably the prime example. Not to mention the brother's boyfriend- who seemed just as crazy as the rest of them, but was just better at hiding it; and the only reason he could thing of for their relationship was that the two had come together because they were they only people they had found crazy enough to put up a decent fight with one another.

He found himself in awe of Yuzu-chan, and wondered how she had come out of this environment clean, or even if she was also hiding a little bit of crazy in her herself.

As he was leaving, he considered whether or not it was worth all this. Yuzu-chan was obviously very close to her family, so this wouldn't be the last he'd see of them if he continued. You obviously had to be crazy yourself to fit in at all in that madhouse.

And then, when he was walking out the door, she told him that tonight had gone well and she thought her family liked him. And then she smiled, and told him to have a good night, and he decided that she was worth going crazy for.


End file.
